A Simple Misunderstanding
by Rice-Ball247
Summary: Severus’ daughter asks her daddy 'the' question. In the end, it turns out to be a simple misunderstanding, much to Severus' mortification. SSHP, no MPREG, oneshot


**A Simple Misunderstanding**

_By Rice-Ball247_**  
**

**Summary: Severus' daughter asks her daddy **_**the**_** question. In the end, it turns out to be a simple misunderstanding. HP/SS**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the affiliated characters. I don't even own the joke, which can be located at the end of the story.****  
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The fireplace crackled merrily as Severus Potter-Snape sat by the fireplace, legs crossed as he turned the page of his newest read single-handedly in his left hand. In his right hand, he delicately held a half-full wine glass of scotch, swirling the honey-coloured liquid. 

The room was comfortably warm, especially since it was Christmas Eve and snowing outside, and the family was spending the holidays in their cozy home. The smell of roast, seasoned potatoes and various other dishes and accompaniments managed to waft from the kitchen into the living room.

His husband of five years, Harry Potter-Snape, was busy bustling about in the kitchen as he prepared for their family dinner. After Harry's daughter, Lily, had been born, Ginny and Harry had divorced. The youngest Weasley had taken her two sons with her while Harry kept Lily.

That's not to say that they weren't on the best of terms – the two were still as close as ever and great friends, which was a relief for the Weasley family, but things between the two just didn't seem to _click_.

Harry raised baby Lily on his own (Ginny was still around, but not _all_ the time) until she was about four years old – that was when he was offered a job offer by Headmistress McGonagall to take over the Defense Against the Dark Arts position at Hogwarts.

So taking the four-year-old girl with him, Harry went to Hogwarts to teach as Professor Potter. The members of staff were more than happy to babysit the girl, except for maybe the dour potions professor, Severus Snape.

Neither Harry nor Severus knew how it happened, but within the year, the two had fallen irrevocably in love with each other, married and moved in together. Harry had the sneaking suspicion that it was thanks to Lily's constant attempts to get the two in the same room that had caused them to grow more affectionate with each other.

Needless to say, Harry and Severus were married and raised the five-year-old Lily Potter-Snape together and were still happily in love, even to this present day – which was five years later.

Speaking of the present, as Severus set down his wine glass on the table beside him, still very much enraptured with his book, the ten-year-old Lily rushed into the living room and jumped onto his lap giggling.

Severus let out a grunt of pain as she landed rather painfully hard, having launched herself from a little distance away. He briefly wondered if she had inherited this from Harry, with all his diving and leaping in Quidditch, and in _other_ areas as well…

The young Lily Potter-Snape was almost an exact replica of the Lily (Evans) Potter that Severus remembered when he was younger. Except she had a few of Ginny Weasley's features, but otherwise, she had inherited a rather subtle shade of red hair and Harry's sparkling, emerald eyes. She smiled at her father , giggling as she shyly patted his cheek.

"Daddy, what's sex?"

The question was so unexpected and asked with such innocent casualty that Severus snapped his gaze back to the questioning child sharply, almost gaining a whiplash in the process.

"Pardon?" he asked, raising his brow in the same manner he used with rather… _insolent_ students, namely the ex-student that was currently working in the kitchen.

"What's sex?" she repeated, a smile so genuine on her face that Severus faltered to turn her down. Well… he might as well. Pure-blooded children learned about such topics at a young age as well, so it couldn't hurt, right?

Besides, he didn't want her to be floundering around at Hogwarts, learning about sex, or the perception of it, from young, foolish students. He simply wouldn't allow it, especially since he was a professor there. Just because he _was_ a teacher, it didn't mean he was completely oblivious to the business going on within the student body.

So he sat her down on his lap, properly, and paused a moment to gather his thoughts. His book was set aside, resting his hand, instead, on the small of her back while the other patted her knee.

He hesitated at first, but then he decided to just give her the straight truth. Severus was a subtle person, being a Slytherin and spy had honed that, but when it came to topics that required explaining, he was outright blunt. He told her, in a clinical tone, about 'the birds and the bees'. He told her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He told her about puberty, menstruation, erections and wet dreams.

At the end of explaining for the second time why such things happened (rather awkwardly, might he add), Lily then asked:

"Daddy, what's a couple?"

Severus smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

"A couple is two people who love each other very much. Like me and Papa," he told her, tapping a long, tapered finger on the tip of her nose. She went cross-eyed trying to stare at it, and then raised an eyebrow that was scarily similar to his expression. He sighed.

Might as well explain that too.

Severus then explained that almost all the time, a couple would be involved in sex (at this point, he was thinking only of heterosexual coupling), so he related the two topics together. Then he explained about the situation between himself and Harry – two males.

He told her about penetration from the 'bottom's' posterior, as well as two females involved, which were called lesbians. He didn't explain much on that topic, since really, Severus had no idea what lesbians liked to do.

He went on in his clinical tone, describing masturbation and how it was completely normal and healthy thing to do, oral sex, group sex, pornography (which he warned her to tell him about if anyone offered her any in the future), bondage and rape, paedophilia, sex toys and all that rot.

Severus had the sneaking suspicion that Lily wasn't really paying attention though, if the blank expression was indicative of anything.

Finally after his rather long explanation, he asked her if she had any questions. Lily smiled at him and said no. Then he asked, "Why did you want to know about 'couples' and 'sex'?"

Lily shrugged and pointed over her shoulder, "Papa said that dinner would be ready in a couple of secs."

Severus flushed red immediately, turning his head swiftly (and he was _really_ close to getting a whiplash this time) to see a sniggering Harry leaning against the doorjamb with an amused expression.

"Harry…"

"It's not my fault you misunderstood," Harry smirked as he turned and sauntered back into the kitchen. Despite himself, Severus allowed his gaze to follow his husband's delectable arse.

Oh yes, there _would_ be coupling and sex tonight, if he had anything to say about it.

Licking his lips, Severus and Lily made their way to the dining room where the food had been set out. After dinner, Lily had retired to her room to sleep while Severus and Harry… had a 'couple of secs' to themselves.

**The End!**

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**The Joke: **A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him: "Daddy, what's sex?".

"OK" he thinks "This day was bound to come, and I am not going to let my little princess learn about sex from the streets". So, he sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He tells her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet dreams. Then she asks:

"Daddy, what is "a couple"?.

And he carries on a couple are the two people involved in the sex, but this can be two males also, where they penetrate from the ass, or two females which we call lesbians, where they use the tongue on the vagina..., and goes on to describe masturbation, oral sex, group sex, pornography, bondage and rape, paedophilia, sex toys etc...The father finally asks:

"So why did you want to know about "a couple" and "sex"?

"Oh, Mummy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."

**Rice-Ball247: **I hope you enjoyed it! I looked at the joke and the scenario just jumped out at me. Though I can't see why a father would be so crude as to explain things like... well, the more extreme cases to a 'little girl'. I doubt she'd be older than ten, though. Sorry if you're annoyed with that slight detail in the story! Please review!


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